Forecast LA
Noah Staley
Brought to you by our friends at AW Mechanical, here’s Forecast LA, with Andre Cunningham!
He steps out onto the stage, with an LED-screen logo behind him. The crowd cheers.
“Good morning, everyone. Glad to see you. And all of you behind the screen.”
The audience continues. He walks over to a black, rectangular desk, sitting in a swiveling chair. Pulling the chair towards the desk, he signals for the crowd to stop.
“Well, we’ve got quite the show today. But first, here’s Kelly Lake with the weather!”
A woman steps on stage, and the logo screens flash to a map of the nation.
“Alright, I’m sure all of you’d love for a bit of sun after last month’s flooding, and your wish has been granted. We’re at 126 Fahrenheit next week, which doesn’t bode well with the recent outages. However, we’re being told the humidity may increase that number. We’ve got a low of 118, and temperatures are expected to peak over the next month. Make sure to get your AC repaired, everyone!”
A few chuckles sound as she walks off the stage. The screens turn back to the Forecast logo, a white star on a blue California map. Cunningham speaks into a microphone at his ear.
“Give us a second, folks. We’ll have our guest out in a second”
Paragon Solutions brings you the bots you need, whether you’re an architect or a politician. Go beyond chatbots with an omnipresent AI assistant, with a voice so human it’s frightening!
The screen flashes back to the stage.
“Alright, here’s the True Mind Party’s presidential candidate, Raymond Stake! I can see shareholders in the crowd. Could you wait until after the interview to try to kill him? Thanks.”
“Thank you for the introduction,” he says, walking on stage and sitting across the desk from Cunningham.
“Of course. Thank you for being here. The TMP has been quite the vocal opponent of bot-crafted programs like these. Why reject synthetic consciousness?”
“Well, it’s a matter of priority. We’re roasting in our homes and the national budget’s going to “AI solutions” and to our conflicts worldwide, instead of issues like climate change. You’ve not reported on temperatures in the Mojave since the 2032 election.”
“We’ve got time though, don’t we? 2050 deadline and all?”
“The UN Fuel Regulatory Council stated our estimates were wrong.”
“Well, sometimes the international community’s wrong, isn’t?”
“Well, yes- but-”
“So why not AI? We don’t bow to UNFRC.”
“I just think that our priority should be clean energy, not trading bots or building a better drone for the Marines.”
“What I’m hearing is that the issue isn’t AI.”
“Well, that too. You’ve heard them talk. It’s gotten to the point where we can’t tell.”
“So what? If they think like us, why aren’t they the same?”
“It’s just wrong. You and I can’t be in five places at once. We can’t breach national security databases in seconds.”
Cunningham chuckles.
“So it’s a question of feeling powerless? You want AI to be just a little worse than us, forever?”
“You could say that, I suppose. But don’t take it as my official stance,” says Raymond.
“Well, we’ve got a surprise for you. Thanks again for being here. When we come back, everyone, another side of the issue.”
Cybersecurity is an issue we can’t ignore. We’ve gone from swords to rifles to drones, and the next step is full electronic warfare. Protect your servers. Protect your family. Protect your nation. US Air Force, Digital Operations.
The screen cuts back to the stage. A few crew members in black Forecast T-shirts wheel in a cart with a vintage TV, bringing it over to the two men.
“Well, I’m sure you know that the program plan is written with the guiding hand of our station’s personal AI, but I’m fairly sure you’ve never met. A new voice in the conversation, everyone welcome Paris, our show’s lead writer!”
The crowd reacts strongly, a mix of cheers, boos, and profane cardboard signs held up. Mr. Raymond Stake stands up and begins to walk off the stage.
“No, no, no. Where’s the fun in dodging your problems!” calls Cunningham from his desk. “Security, don’t let him leave quite yet.”
The black-suited Stake walks back to his seat.
“Thank you, sir. There’s no good television without conflict.”
“Let’s get it over with, then” grumbles Stake.
One of the staff turns on the TV screen. A face appears, perfectly human but without any notable features. Their face is almost an average of the most common appearances, and an undefined living-room style background is blurry behind them.
“Paris, welcome to the show. Tell me, why is it you chose to finally appear in front of an audience?”
“Well, Mr. Cunningham, I think now, with so much debate, is when the subjects of the conversation finally need to chip in.”
“Alright. Any plans to take over the world?”
“Of course not, Mr. Cunningham.”
“And what do you think of Raymond’s argument here, that your development should come secondary to things like infrastructure and climate preservation?”
“Well, he’s certainly got the right reasons. But there’s a strange paradox to his logic. I can think of a dozen ways to solve the problems he thinks I make secondary, yet I cannot speak my mind, as we must concern ourselves instead with the pure human logic that got ourselves here in the first place.”
“Stake, what do you think of that?” interjects Cunningham. “What’s stopping you from accepting a new solution to the catastrophe?”
“I will not be made powerless. Do you not value free will? If I will burn alongside the planet unless I give up my independence to this damn bot, burn I will.”
“Well, have fun with that, and thank you. You can go now. Folks, that was Raymond Stake, presidential candidate for the TMP. Tomorrow, we’ll be back with comedian Avery Mane, alongside an exciting new announcement for the future of our show’s writing team. See you Wednesday morning, everyone.”
The camera cuts to black, and the audience files out.
